Easy Pickings

EASY PICKINGS ©

by: Jim Caswell

I don't like it. Ronnie hasn't asked anything of me since the fifth grade, when he tried to get me to take the blame for tripping the school bully in the hallway. Now, however, he asks me, not as my boss but as a "friend", to check into this. Since he is my boss, I knew I had better do it, meeting up with him and Mrs. Lindsey.

As I enter the museum, I see Ronnie and a very attractive brunette talking in the far corner. She looked as though she was about thirty years old, five foot five, and very easy on the eyes. She wasn't chunky by any stretch of the imagination, but not waifs thin either. Her publicity hadn't done her justice.

I walked in silently, able to overhear their conversation before being noticed. "Where is he, Captain Zimmerman?" Her British accent was light and pleasant to listen to.

"I still don't understand why you asked for him specifically, Mrs. Lindsey."

"Because he is the best man for the job."

"I must disagree with you. There is a reason I am captain, Mrs. Lindsey." He smiled, trying to apply the charm. "Would you mind if I called you Brittany?"

"Yes. I would."

The puff in his chest quickly deflated, along with his ego. "Oh."

"As for the reason, Captain. He has a large reputation from that fiasco at Christmas. An event, if memory serves correctly, you tried to take credit for, then passed off onto him when the lawyers began to circle."

"Well …."

"I want his level of professionalism."

I can tell a good entrance line when I hear one. "Yo! Ronnie!"

He shot a quick scowl my way for my "informal ways," then returned to Mrs. Lindsey with a smile. "Here he is now. Mrs. Lindsey, I'd like to introduce you to Detective Jacobson."

She was even prettier up close, and I decided to show Ronnie what real charm looked like. "It's my pleasure, Lady Lindsey."

"Please, call me Brittany, Detective."

"In that case, you can call me Easy."

Ronnie's jaw dropped. "But .…" He has never worn humiliation well.

"That will be all, Captain Zimmerman."

Before he could protest more, I added insult to injury with "later, Ronnie."

After he had slinked off, Brittany turned to me and asked "is he always that big of a butt-kisser?"

I had to stifle a laugh. "Yes." I think I might like this woman. "Now then, what can I do for you?"

"As you may have read, I am in the United States to exhibit the Lindsay Diamond. It is the third largest diamond in the world and has been passed down through my husband's lineage from the early sixteen hundreds, given to the first son's wife on their wedding day."

"And it was stolen?"

"That is correct. It was to be unveiled today at noon."

A younger-looking man came toward us. He carried himself well, but had the look of trouble as well. "I am sorry to disturb you, madam, but I just finished giving my statement to the police."

"Very good. Easy, this is Mario Carravella, head of our security detail. He was guarding the diamond when it was stolen. Please, tell Detective Jacobson what happened."

He gave me a questioning look, then shrugged. "Well, as I told the other boys in blue, I was sitting at that table over there," pointing to the one by the door, "playing a Gameboy. Around 2 AM, I heard a sound in the outer hall. I went out to investigate and got hit in the head. I woke up to find Lawrence standing over me."

"Who is Lawrence?"

Brittany smiled. "My youngest son."

"Youngest?" She was obviously much older than she appeared.

"Yes. He is eighteen going on thirty-five." A touch of sorrow crept into her eyes. "His brother died in the war of Falkland, a pilot for Her Majesty's Air Force. When he was shot down, Lawrence was thrust into the responsibilities of the family."

"I'm sorry." I felt lousy for making her remembers something so painful.

"I am adapting."

"Please, allow me to change the topic. Who else is on the tour with you?"

"Beside Lawrence and Mario, there is my nephew Brian, his wife Carol, and my brother Billy."

"I will need to speak with them all."

Her look turned from sorrow to doubt. "Surely you don't suspect any of them."

"Everyone needs to be a suspect at first. I can finish up with Mario now, but will need to meet with the others soon."

He gave off a spark of worry, but quickly covered. "Fine."

Brittany attempted to smile. " Very well. I will see to it that everyone sets up an appointment to speak with you."

"Thank you. Brittany turned and exited the room, allowing me to focus completely on security. "So, how's your head doing?"

Instinctually, he reached up and felt his head. "Sore."

"Do you have any idea what you were hit with?"

"Something made of wood. The doc pulled splinters out of my scalp."

It could be a self-inflicted wound to throw off suspicion. It wouldn't be the first time. "Who do you think did it? You're close to the family. Anyone with a better reason than the others?"

"Just between you and me?"

"Yep."

"Any one of them. Lawrence is a spoiled little snob that would love to get out of his dead brother's shadow. Brian is nothing but a freeloader, while Carol thinks that the diamond should belong to her, and Billy is so far in debt that I wouldn't put theft past him. In fact, I caught him swiping money once before, but Lady Lindsey wouldn't believe me. She even considered firing me over it."

"Don't take offense, but wouldn't that be enough reason for you to steal the diamond?"

"Maybe, but I didn't."

While the wound could be self-inflicted, I didn't think it was. My instincts were usually pretty reliable, and they were telling me that this guy didn't do it. "I believe you. Do me a favor. Tell Brittany that I will call her this afternoon to set up an itinerary for the interviews."

* * * * *

My next step was to drive back to the station and find out what information I could dig up on Brittany's entourage. I've never been good with computers, though, so I went to see my loving girlfriend down in records. "What do you want?" Went to see my loving, and sometimes ill-tempered, girlfriend down in records.

"What's wrong, Jenny?"

"They turned down my request for patrol assignment again." Jenny had a little problem with her attitude while out on the streets, and the head honchos have stuck her on permanent desk duty.

"I'm sorry, Jen. Maybe next time." And maybe they will teach ducks how to talk. I truly love Jenny, but she gets too carried away when the action hits. I try to get her mind off her problems by unloading mine on her. I tell her about the case, and ask her if there is any information available on the ensemble.

While she worked on getting the Intel, she asked my about the crime scene. "Was the display case broken into?"

"No. The security code was used to shut off the alarm."

"That supports your theory that it was an inside job." A couple of keystrokes later, she was finished. "OK, we're in. We'll start with your pal Mario."

"I hope he was telling me the truth."

"Because you think he's a good guy?"

"No, because he has a good six inches and thirty pounds on me."

"Oh." She got a worried look on her face. "I hate to tell you this, but he lied."

"What about?"

"His name."

"Huh?" It was too early in the conversation for me to be getting lost.

"According to this, his real name is Michael Saunders, and that he was just released from prison a year ago."

"What was he in for?"

"Theft."

"Of course." Just my luck, it shoots him right back to the top of the list. "What about the others?"

"It'll take another second."

Something dawned on me. "The rest of tem are from England. How are you going to get the information?"

"Simple. I'm using our network to tap into Scotland Yard's records."

"Oh." I didn't want to ask whether that was legal or not.

"Apparently not all the information he gave you was false. Records indicate that Lawrence has been brought in for disorderly conduct a number of times, once for breaking and entering. All charges were dropped. Nothing illegal on Brian or Carol, but Billy is in really deep debt. He's been linked to a loan shark that was recently arrested and is wanted for questioning once he gets back to Britain." She looked up from her computer screen. "No wonder he's on this tour. He had to get out of town as soon as possible."

"So we are right back where we started. It looks as though I'll have to question each of them."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Maybe. Do you feel up to searching their rooms at the hotel while I'm questioning them?"

"Do you have a search warrant?" She may be short-tempered, but she believes in the judicial system.

"We'll talk with the manager and see if he's willing to let it slide."

"What should I look for?"

"Anything that could lead us to the diamond."

* * * * *

I called Brittany, letting her know that I would be by after eight to talk to everyone. I swung by my desk to check on my other cases, which Ronnie felt obliged to redistribute to other detectives so I could concentrate on the Lindsey case. Then after Jenny got off duty, she and I went to Charlie's for some dinner. After we finished, we headed for the hotel. Jenny entered through the back to talk with the manager while I headed in the front. Brittany was waiting for me in the lobby. "Everyone is in the bar, just as you asked."

"Thank you. I'll speak with Mario first, if that would be all right."

"Certainly. Has there been any progress yet?"

"Not nearly as much as I would like." She escorted me to a small booth in the corner of the bar where I could see the entire crew. Walking over to her family, she leaned over and spoke to Mario, who then walked toward me with a worried look on his face.

"You wanted to see me, detective?"

"Yes Mike."

His worried look intensified as he flopped down in a seat. "Ah man."

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

"I figured, if you found out I had a record, I'd become your thief, whether I did it or not."

"Well, it made you look even more guilty when I found out. Then I did more checking into your prison record and learned you were released early for good behavior. You changed your name legally and went to work for the Lindsey's."

"I wanted a fresh start."

"I can't fault you for that. You're still a suspect, but I can't help but believe your innocence. I hope you don't prove me wrong."

"I won't, detective."

"Call me Easy." We both smiled and were relieved. "Send over the next person, would you?"

He walked to the other side of the room; still wearing his smile, and spoke to Brian. Two other men stormed out of the bar, looking perturbed. Brittany, also upset, accompanied Brian to the table. He was a tall, skinny man with short black hair. Rather plain looking save for the multicolored pajamas under a house robe, very casual for a public place. "I'm sorry Easy, but Lawrence and Billy insisted on leaving. Said they were going to some place called The Pleasure Palace. Do you know where that is?"

I should. I helped bust the place for prostitution enough times. "It's a video arcade."

"You are a lousy liar, Easy." I definitely like her attitude.

I turned my attention to Brian. "I hope I didn't disturb your evening too much, Mr. Lindsey."

"Not at all. I was readying myself for bed when Brittany told us of this meeting."

"At eight PM?"

"Yes. Bed by eight, up by six; same procedure every day. Been doing it since I was in school."

"And, of course, that is where you were last night?"

"Of course."

"What about your wife?"

"At two AM? Beside me in bed, of course."

"Of course."

"Will this take much longer, detective? I do have a few things to deal with before bed."

This guy was a total loser. Looking over and taking a look at his wife, it was clear that she had only married him for his money. She was a tall, blonde, and well-built woman with legs that wouldn't quit. There was something about these Lindsey women that allowed them to hang onto their youth very well. "No, I don't think so right now, but I may have more questions later. You can go ahead and go, but please ask your wife to come over on your way out."

"A pleasure meeting you, detective."

"Same to you." As he walked over to his wife, she leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. She was about two inches taller than him. He ducked out the door as she sauntered over to the table. The first thing I noticed, beside her figure, was the cuts on her hands. "What happened to your hands?"

She looked down, as if discovering the wounds for the first time. "This? Well, you see, I make wooden dolls. You know the ones. I don't do it for the money, mind you. Just for fun. Anyway, I grabbed hold of a piece of lumber full of splinters and cut up my hands."

"Are you any good at it?"

"Oh yes. In fact, I am working on one right now that, when the head moves, a rock inside rattles. I am modeling it after my husband."

"Speaking of your husband, is it true that he is in bed every night by eight?"

She got an exacerbated look on her face. "Yes. Constantly, but I rarely get there before midnight."

"And last night?"

"I would say by one."

"Word has it that you feel the Lindsey Diamond should be yours. Why is that?"

"Because I was supposed to have married Jonathan."

Now things were getting interesting. "What do you mean?"

"Back, before Brittany entered our lives, I was dating John until he volunteered for the services. He had promised me that, upon the end of his tour of duty, we would be married. When he came back, however, Brittany was with him and it was they that were getting married."

"How did you end up with Brian?"

"He had been interested in me since we first met. Then, at the wedding reception, he proposed and I accepted. I would have done anything to get into the Lindsey family."

Very interesting. "So, back to the reason I'm here. You were in bed when the theft occurred, correct?"

"Correct."

"Well, I think all of my questions have been answered. Would you mind walking with me to the door?"

"Not at all." When we reached the bar, she turned back to me. "So, do you have any idea who the thief is?"

I may not be a great liar, but I'm better than some. "Nope. I think it was probably someone who knew the diamond was coming to town and was waiting for it. It's probably long gone by now."

She smiled. "Good evening, detective."

"Good night." I stepped through the double doors and headed for the hotel manager's office. Jenny was there waiting for me. "I need you to brief me on everything that you found on the way."

"Where to?"

"Judge Marshall. We need a search and arrest warrant."

* * * * *

The next morning, Jenny and Ron accompanied me back to the hotel and up to the penthouse suite. "I apologize for the early wake-up call, Brittany, but I think I've found your diamond."

Ron was his typical nervous self, especially when there was any possibility that he could be cast in a negative light. "You had better be right about this, Easy."

Jenny, as always, was by my side, both physically and emotionally. "Don't worry, he is."

I introduced Brittany to Jenny, exchanging handshakes, while I turned to Mario. "Could you gather everyone together for me?"

"Sure."

Brittany looked at me questioningly. "Are you saying that it was someone from my own family?"

"I'm afraid so," I replied, causing her to frown. "Jenny has a search warrant for one of the rooms. Do you want to go with her?" She shook her head no. Jenny left when Mario and the rest came into the main room. Brian and Carol sat on the couch with a good deal of distance between the two of them. Lawrence and Billy were seated on opposite sides of the room; both obviously suffering from very bad hangovers. "Good morning, everyone."

Billy spoke first. "May we bypass the pleasantries and get on with this?"

Lawrence trailed his uncle. "Yes. What is this all about?"

I smiled. "It's about the recovery of the Lindsey Diamond." The thief's face was just as calm as the others.

Carol was the next to speak. "You told me last night that you didn't suspect any of us."

"I know. I lied." Jenny entered the room carrying a male wooden doll.

"Hey, that's mine."

"I know. You told me about it last night. You might as well have just signed a confession then and there."

"What are you talking about?"

"It was really stupid of you to knock Mario out with a plank of wood."

"I don't …."

"You cooperated too much. I knew it was a family member because of the security code; it was used to shut off the alarm. Then Mario mentioned the splinters in his head, which correspond with the ones in your hands."

Brian was getting irritated. "That is circumstantial evidence."

"But this isn't." I held out the doll, unscrewing the head. "Everyone heard her say that this was hers." I remove the head and tip it, allowing the diamond to roll out into my palm. Carol sat shocked, realizing that she had convicted herself.

Ron stepped forward, now overconfident. "You will come with me, Mrs. Lindsey."

Brian sat in panic. "I will get you the best lawyer possible, sweetheart."

Brittany stood. "Not with any Lindsay money you won't." While Ron took Carol out, Brittany turned to me. "Thank you, Easy."

"It wasn't that difficult. Any amateur detective could have figured this one out. Even Ronnie could have handled it, given a month or so." I smiled and winked at her while Ron glared at me from the elevator.

Mario walked up to me. "May I speak walk you to the door, detective?"

"Sure." We were cutting things short, which was fine. Let the family deal with the after-effects. Mario, Jenny and I stepped into the hall as the elevator doors closed.

Once we were out of Lindsey earshot, Mario asked, "What's going to happen to me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to tell Lady Lindsey about me?"

"No, you paid your dues. There's no sense in letting the past interfere with your future." I smiled. "Have a good life, Mike."

"You too. Take it Easy."